Rekindling the Spark in Marriage

The movie Date Night has a line that perfectly describes my marriage: “We’re excellent roommates.” My husband and I have a great system—we tag-team school drop-offs, appointments, bedtime routines, groceries, meals, and everything else that keeps our household running smoothly. We function like a well-oiled machine.

But marriage isn’t supposed to be just a well-run business partnership. Lately, we've fallen into the habit of coexisting rather than truly connecting. Meanwhile, my stepson and daughter-in-law, still in the newlywed stage, have a weekly date night. And I’m over here trying to remember… when was our last date night? Was it in 2025 or 2024?

Marriage, like faith, requires ongoing pursuit. It’s not about expensive getaways or gifts but small, consistent efforts to stay connected. In Revelation, Jesus speaks to the church in Ephesus about losing their first love:

"Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first." – Revelation 2:4-5

While this verse is about our relationship with God, the principle applies to marriage, too. Love doesn’t just disappear—it fades when we stop putting effort into it. And just like our faith, if we don’t make time to strengthen our marriage, we can wake up one day wondering where the connection went.

I don’t want to be just roommates with my husband. I want to enjoy being with him. I want to laugh more, have fun together, and be intentional about making our marriage feel like a marriage, not just a partnership. So, I’m working on a few simple ways to bring back the spark:

1. Mini Moments of Connection

Not every date has to be a big event. A ten-minute coffee together in the morning, a short walk after dinner, or sitting down to chat (instead of scrolling on our phones) can make a big difference.

2. Bring Back Playfulness

Remember those silly inside jokes from the early days? Somewhere along the way, they can disappear under the weight of responsibilities. But a funny text or an unexpected note can help lighten the mood and remind us that marriage should have fun moments too. We used to sign our notes in code for the other person to figure out: Love, YSHW.

3. Try Something New Together

Routine is great for efficiency but terrible for romance. Doing something new—even something small—can bring fresh energy. Whether it’s trying a new restaurant, walking a different route, or starting a hobby together, novelty creates connection. Maybe my husband will take up running!

4. Prioritize One-on-One Time

It doesn’t have to be a perfectly planned date night, but making a point to have distraction-free time matters. Sometimes that just means watching a show together and actually talking about it afterward.

5. Pray Together

Just like our relationship with God, marriage needs a spiritual connection. Even a short prayer together can shift the atmosphere and remind us that we’re on the same team.

Marriage, like faith, is something we have to tend to. Love doesn’t just stay—it needs attention. But with small, intentional choices, we can keep it from growing cold.

Just like those inside jokes and playful moments can fade under the weight of responsibilities, our relationship with God can also become routine if we’re not intentional. The joy, closeness, and excitement we once felt in our faith can get buried under schedules, to-do lists, and distractions. But just as a small effort—like a thoughtful note—can rekindle connection in marriage, a simple step can refresh our connection with God.

So here’s the challenge this week:

Do something fun and unexpected for your spouse. A playful text, an inside joke, or a simple act that reminds you both of your early days together.
Pursue God with fresh intention. Whether it’s reading Scripture in a new way, praying differently, or just sitting in His presence without an agenda—take a step to revive that joy in your relationship with Him.

“Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you.” — James 4:8

Love takes pursuit—both in marriage and in faith. Let’s not let either grow stale.